Saturn Return

I turned 28 in February, 2009. I picture myself digging in my heels while I remain powerless to stop the rush toward thirty. I have no job! No husband! No clue! I can't be thirty yet!

If you have not heard of Saturn Return, here is a little definition stolen from the Internet: "Astrologers have known for many centuries that it takes 29.5 years for the planet Saturn to make its orbit around the sun. That's why this crisis is called the 'Saturn Return'" (from http://www.saturnreturn.net/what_is.html). The gist here is that once Saturn returns to the place it was when you're born, it brings up all sorts of crises and unresolved conflicts from those first years of life, forcing you to man up and deal. Make some changes. The other option is to simmer in your energetic and astrological stew and wait miserably for Saturn to continue his (hopefully) dependable orbit, an option that leaves you wide open for a revisitation at the ripe old age of 60.

Isn't it so striking to read things written by strangers that perfectly describe your own thoughts, feelings, and fears? I have heard of this astrological phenomenon before, but now that I'm experiencing this remarkable shift in my own reality, I decided to look a bit deeper into it. In reading these random Internet articles, I feel I have found some explanation for my current state. My inexplicable urgency to quit the bottle, after years of declaring I should. The slowly growing ability to hear my child-like inner voice, encouraging me into contemplative and creative acts like writing. That same voice that tells me, "Stop saying you want to move to Cali and just fucking move. Shit or get off the pot. It won't kill you, and it's what you KNOW you need to do" (yes my inner child has a potty mouth). The clarity that is beginning to surround my intentions as a therapist, knowing that I want to specialize in studies of female sexuality. The one article I read even mentions that a woman's relationship with her father can come into question, and this is an issue that has been gnawing at me for a few years now. I still do not want to deal with it directly, but I know I won't be able to put it off too much longer. There's no juicy drama, by the way. Just...I'm his only daughter, and I'm kind of smart sometimes, and I've unconsciously felt a lot of pressure through the years to become his protege. And now, guess what -- I work for him. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this (I didn't intend for that to present as a temper tantrum, but that's how it came out, and I'm pretty sure there is meaning there)!

I am full of gratitude that I am going through this while I am deep into therapy. Otherwise, I think this energetic shift would be a whole lot scarier than it is. As it stands, I embrace the motivation I am getting from Saturn, even though I feel deeply the pain of the growth. I'm grateful for this whole event, to feel like I get the second chance I've been wanting, a rebirth of sorts. I don't typically follow astrology, but I treat it like I do religion -- I'll take what works for me and put it in my metaphorical bag and hopefully it won't get too heavy; if it does then I'll have to re-examine some things. But for now, I'm really diggin on this Saturn bit. Gratitude out to the Universe...