Two steps forward, one step back

First off, thank you to everyone who's expressed concern, support and encouragement. It's been so great to hear from you!

However, I did drink last night. I knew it would be a rough one, working at the bar until close. We shut down around 2:30 am, and that is when we can kick out all the drunks who paid us and start suckling on the taps for free. It had been eleven days, and I had a half a beer. Then, a full beer, followed by one more full beer. Two and a half beers is not a lot of beer, at least in my world. I finally left, and headed to my...um...what shall I call him...I'll just say that I have been cuddling up to Dave since Oct, partly because he's sweet and nice, and partly because he lives near the bar so on nights like last night, I can just walk on over and crash in his bed. Maybe sometimes naked, and maybe sometimes we have some sex. That is pretty much the extent of the relationship. Again, this is probably something I should cover in this other section. There were some other folks at Dave's, and I had probably another half a beer. Cross my heart, I was not drunk. But yes, I did drink.

Tonight, a friend came over, I thought we were just going to watch a movie but she wanted to go out and meet a guy. So...a glass of wine and a vodka tonic, but I was exhausted and I could barely stomach the cocktail. This feels to me to be a good sign. I'm home now, sleepy but certainly not drunk. Oh, and she didn't meet a guy; I unknowingly guided us to a local bar that was having it's gay night. Oops.

I have a date on Monday to go to AA with a good friend who is in recovery for seven years. This is not a commitment to sobriety, but it will be an hour spent contemplating such a commitment. I'm already beginning to understand the wisdom of "one day at a time." So, the past few days didn't go so well (though, if we look at a calendar, all of my drink did actually occur within one day...which somehow makes me feel better about it). I don't foresee many challenges until Wednesday, and that is a whole other day, so far away.